I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
