Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
