and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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