If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
