Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
