I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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