i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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