Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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