if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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