That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize