franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
