Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
