Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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