True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize