I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
