Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
