I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
