Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
