i jhust puked up my retainher.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize