Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
