We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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