After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
