this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
