i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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