I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
