if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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