He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
