I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
