Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
