my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
