I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
