i think my mom watched the whole time
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
