Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
