I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
