She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
