The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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