I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
