Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
