Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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