I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
