I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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