I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
