If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
