Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
