Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
