I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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