oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
