Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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