i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize