1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
