Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
