I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
