What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What drink are we having for lunch?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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