I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
