we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize