How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
