i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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