PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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