I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
