My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
