Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
