I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Mom said you looked used
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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