...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
