you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
