Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
