After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
