Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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