So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have fence marks all over my body
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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