that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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