burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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