your parents love me but you hate me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We are all done wearing pants today
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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