yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
