farters have to be the big spoon...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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