you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
