Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
