wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
