You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
whose ass print is on the piano?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
