my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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