Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
