hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
