K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
