Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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