i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
