The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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