i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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