Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
