dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
