I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my being single is dangerous.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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