there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
