Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I cut my penus on the lid.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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