is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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