You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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