Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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