Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
