today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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