That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
