I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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