I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
